Find Love, Live in Love

In order to find the love of your life, or just to have more love in your life, you need to fill your life with love! 

Sounds like one of those depressing things you hear like "it takes money to make money, so you are SOL". Well fortunately, unlike money, love can be created/found out of thin air because it does grown on trees. That’s right, as the master Don Miguel Ruiz says, "Love is god, and god is the force of life, and is in everything that is alive including the trees". But we become corrupted and domesticated by our societies and environments, and we soon believe that there is no love inside us, and we believe that we have to find love elsewhere. But the truth is that you have and always have had love inside your heart, you just have to find it! And if you find this love inside your heart, you will have so much more to give to others. So really, you shouldn’t be looking for love in the world, and someone to love you. But rather, imagine that you have an abundance of love in your heart, and you are READY TO GIVE IT! Now imagine, what person wouldn’t want to be with you when you are pouring out love? You will have to beat people off with a stick because people will gravitate to you. So the love that you need to find, the true love, is inside your heart. If you try to find love instead in a partner, which most people do unknowingly, you will only find yourself dependent on that person's love for your, in order to feel loved and validated. But this is not healthy and is not love at all, but rather dependency and neediness, and will drive good people away and only keep those who want to control you, and who also need to feel loved rather than who already love themselves.

So you say to yourself, ok I totally agree! But what the heck do I DO to "find love in myself" and to "emanate love"??? Well, the answers are all pretty basic and even common sensical, and having the knowledge is a small part of what needs to be done. The major thing is being proactive! And "hunting" yourself by being aware of what goes on inside your heart and mind, so that you can replace your negativity and neediness with abundance of love and joy. So here are the simple things that you have to hunt for and do:

Love Yourself First

Learn to love and take care of yourself. You can't love anyone else if you don't love yourself first. You can't give what you don't have. Love is about giving and sharing it, not just receiving, taking, and being needy. 

Depend on yourself for love, don’t NEED it from anyone, but offer them unconditional love. Sharing love is a heightened experience created for us by God; it shouldn't be something that fills a void inside you. I learned this lesson from a book called "The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship" By Don Miguel Ruiz. 

Learn how to love and accept yourself. Figure out what your gifts and talents are. And accept and face your shortcomings. For practical advice about how to love yourself more and improve your self worth and self-esteem, there are several books such as The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer and Self Esteem by Matthew McKay. I highly recommend them both.

Be yourself. Nobody can truly know or love you if you are always pretending to be something you're not, putting up walls, and not letting anybody in to see the real you. Love is truth and it cannot exist without it. When you speak with others, speak from the heart, not from your ego. 

Love other people. Love is an action verb

Respect the people you love. There is no love without respect.

Acknowledge the people around you and in your life. A simple "hello, Jamie" goes a long way in spreading the love. Engage them in conversation even if it's small talk. Often those small "insignificant" and "dull" conversations lead to long, interesting ones, and deep ones.

Embrace each interaction and encounter that you have with others. See each interaction as a blessing and don't miss the opportunity. Be the person that makes others feel that "they are the only person in the room." 

Live in the moment. Don’t assume that anything will last forever, or will come as often as it does, such as seeing someone in your parking lot. So say hi to them today . This time.

See the positive in people. It's ironic how we only value certain people once they are no longer available or lose interest in us. Be proactive and find those "good ones" before somebody else has to show you how great they are by making them unavailable. Don’t judge, criticize, and look down on those around you, seeing only the negative. Judging and hating others only affects YOU - adversely.

When you're not around people, send thoughts of love to them by thinking positive things about them, praying for them, thinking of ways you can help and serve them, and loving them in your mind and heart without wanting anything in return. You'll be surprised how they will become a bigger part of your life if you think about them when they are not there.  

Look for ways to help other people, and be thankful for opportunities to help your fellow man and woman. This will bring you endless joy

Evaluate the people in your life and around you, and figure out who makes you feel good and happy and secure. Build friendships and relationships with those people. Be proactive about this. 

Deal with all conflicts, injustices, and hurt feelings, but in a tactful manner. Don't ignore and avoid conflict. Pay attention to all abuses and hurt feelings, to yourself as well as those perpetrated by you. Resolve the issues inside yourself and with the involved parties. 

There is a great must-read book about the topic of relationships, being proactive, and loving those around you: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I highly recommend it to anyone.

Love and live your life

Figure out what you love to do and what you enjoy and start doing more of it. Don't try to be "the best" at what you do, which often happens once you pick up a hobby. Focus on the love and enjoyment of it. 

Don't try to find a grand "purpose" in life. Enjoy the small things that bring you joy and find work that brings you satisfaction while letting God be the bearer of the big picture. It may never be totally revealed to you, so just follow His/Her lead. 

Learn how to enjoy life as a single person if you ever have the opportunity again or have it now. Don't worry about what people think of you if you are single or have been for a long time (read more about this...)

Your feelings are your life

Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions. Any negative ones should be dealt with. A lot of your energy and life are wasted on the negative so clear it up and make room for the positive. I believe this is the essence of your spiritual journey. There are hundreds of books out there that deal with the many aspects of emotional problems. A few that have helped me greatly that I recommend are Releasing Guilt and Shame, Opening the heart, The Mastery of Love, The Battlefield of the Mind.

Find inner peace by putting your anxieties in God's hands. Don't be scared when you feel vulnerable. Don't be scared of fear. Instead of running away from anxiety, guilt, shame, and other negative feelings that surface when dealing with people, work through those feelings while you are in them. Get through it and next time it won't be as bad. Read "The Battlefield of the Mind" and "Self-Esteem" for advice on these topics. 

Be the master of your feelings

Seek God and seek the truth

Always pray for God to show you the way, show you the truth, and to give you wisdom. In truth, you can learn from your experiences. Stay sober in order to see and experience the truth, be yourself, and follow God (read more about why you should stay sober as much as possible...)

Pray to God for more love in your life. Do so in faith and belief instead of in a self-pitying way. And be grateful for all the love that you do have.

Use the Law of Attraction to your advantage: envision and imagine and plan in your mind a great future. Think what it will be like when you have lots of love in your life and make it come true with the power of thought. I call this the Law of Attraction. Other call it prayer. Some, the power of thought or self-fulfilling prophesies. In any case, what you expect to happen and what you believe will happen often do just that. I have read a few law of attraction books that were very insightful, including "The Soul mate Secret" by Arielle Ford and "Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness" by Esther and Jerry Hicks. "Think and Grow Rich" is another powerful book about the power of thoughts but it's mostly related to making money, although the concept is the same when applied to anything.  

Find and dump your false idols. These may be as obvious as substance addiction or as concealed as things encouraged by society such as your career. In fact, most idols may seem like normal necessities but you must hunt them down and shed light on them for what they are: unhealthy dependencies, addictions, etc. Figure out what you are depending on in life other than the bare necessities, and learn to let go of them one by one. These are things that hold you captive, steal your joy, keep you from God, and keep you from real love for yourself and others. Your false idols can be related to your appearance and image, your job/career, money, your social group and friends, your relationships, being flawless, being the best at something, pleasing and keeping the love of your parents, friends, and family by compromising yourself, etc. Whatever it is that you depend on and place above god (idolize and idealize), this is what's keeping you hostage. That's not to say that the idols listed above are idols for everyone. Nothing is bad in and of itself (even alcohol) except evil itself. What makes something bad is your dependency on it, your addiction to it, and your placing an importance to it above yourself, your god, and others. Liberating yourself from the false idols of the world is a big part of the spiritual journey. If you don't let go of your idols and addictions on your own, I believe God will test you and find ways to show you the truth, but if you don't listen he will persist and bring you down until you hit "rock bottom", suffer a big loss, or get into major trouble. So be proactive and don’t cling to your idols. Get rid of them now. One book I read the shed light on a concealed idol of mine is called "addiction to people pleasing." I recommend this to anyone who places too much importance on what others think of them, pleasing others, and avoiding conflict. 

Give thanks

Be grateful for what you have, the experiences with others, and soon you will find much more to be grateful for. Let others know that you enjoy and are grateful for their company.

Praise and thank God for the love you have for yourself, the people who love you, the life you have, how far you've come to improve and make changes in your life, and the self-empowerment to make positive changes. The more you give thanks the more you will have to be grateful for. 

Self-Reminders

Self-talk is very important. It's one thing I've taken away from two of my favorite books "Battlefield" and "Self esteem". Come up with reminders and slogans to tell yourself when you get into tough situations involving old habits. My slogan is a bit long (actually it's so long that I had to abbreviate it). I repeat it to myself when necessary and will do so until these things become a matter of habit. The good news is that they will one day become automatic habits. The bad news is that you will find more things to work on because life is an endless spiritual journey. The more good news is that you can always continue to come up with new slogans and continue to improve and better your life because you have the power to do so. My slogan is "LIV TDY" ("live today"). It stands for "be Yourself, don't be scared to be Vulnerable, seek the Truth about yourself and people. don't look down at others and Detach from them. Instead give Love. don't use don't use people for my ends, instead get rid of Idols". 

 

note: As you can see, this site is lightly supported by banner advertisements and internal links to affiliate websites. However, if you have enjoyed or benefited from my work, please help support my time and effort directly by clicking on the secure PayPal link below and donating to the site. Although I write this contect out of the goodness of my heart as well as to improve myself (see "About Me" page), it takes much valuable time, thought, and sacrifice to do so. Thank you in advance for your support! Self-Help Coach